Don't get caught up in the excitement of using Obama Toilet Paper and forget the basic tenants of bathroom behavior - remember to always wash your hands after wiping your butthole with a picture of the president.
Everybody loves Obama Toilet paper - it's not only literally effective, its figuratively effective! With every swipe of the wrist, you are wiping clean not only the grainy remnants of your most recent bowel movement - you are wiping clean your conscience.
We sell the original Obama Toilet Paper, and our soft strong and soothing product can absorb just about any type of malfeasance your digestive system is capable of dishing out. So go ahead and double down on those tequila shooters, and might as well hit that hot dog stand on the way home - we got you covered in the morning.
Are you roundly dissatisfied with the current state of the union, thoroughly disgusted with the elusive and fleeting satisfaction the ballot box provides, looking to aggressively voice your dissent on a daily basis? Well for those dreaming of political revolution, we are proud to offer a 2 ply solution. Barack Obama Toilet Paper is the next great American innovation, a sanitary sensation that is quite literally sweeping the nation. Obama Toilet Paper presents each and every American with an affordable opportunity to experience a paradigm shift in bowel movement satisfaction.
The advent of Obama Toilet Paper is clearly a watershed moment of major world significance and it’s admittedly difficult to overstate the potential magnitude of Obama Toilet Paper’s impact on the national political scene. Gone are the days where political activism and personal cleanliness were treated as two totally separate entities, with the emergence of Obama Toilet Paper – you can now easily take a pointed stance on the current state of American politics simply by physically assuming a pointed stance. Melding your own political ideology into real and tangible action no longer requires an arduous and prohibitive drive to you local polling station, it now requires nothing more than the simple lucid beauty of an abhorrent fecal event.
An exacting and precise analysis of President Obama’s core principals and positions leads us to believe Mr. Obama is nothing short of a fervent supporter of our toilet paper product. After all, creating hope and change is a stressful and difficult process, much like vanquishing the thin layer of dark matter caked onto your taint. Not to mention the specifics of a lot of the president’s policy maneuvers suggest a certain subtle support for absorbent toiletries. For example, recently the public voiced its concerns that Obama’s health care bill might not be a particularly palatable dietary option for the nation, and many were hesitant to quickly and wholeheartedly swallow such a massive and potentially odorous agenda. The president was given ample warning that it was ill advised to try to aggressively push an unknown item of such significant size and density through the system, without first allowing ample time for its contents to be fully digested, yet Obama was not interested in letting nature take its course. He instead stiffened his position, leveraged all of his strength, and exerted so much pressure that he was able to squeeze this hot, wet, steaming pile of legislation straight through the bowels of congress with such tremendous force that the moment it passed, it exploded all over the headlines, generated a scalding hot tsunami of criticism, and its contents ended up scattered and splattered all over the national news.
UPDATE - The 2012 holiday season has arrived – and the word on the street is…Santa voted for Romney! Old Saint Nick is rumored to be particularly livid at the results of the 2012 election and according to our inside source at the North Pole – the big fella has an axe to grind with our commander and chief! Those lucky enough to have a roll or Barack Obama Toilet Paper en route to their residence should take comfort in knowing that Mr. Claus has purportedly pledged to take extrodinary special care and precaution in delivering each and every roll of Obama Toilet Paper this Christmas Eve, so order with confidence – Cris Cringle has your back!
While I was reasonably satisfied with the results I was getting from regular over the counter toilet paper, I always felt like my TP was only working at the surface level, like it wasn't ever really "accomplishing" anything significant (0ther than removing fecal matter). Now that I am using Obama TP, I feel like I am not only doing something good for my own personal hygiene, but I am doing something positive for society as a whole, and that's the type of experience I want to have when I shatter my toilet beyond comprehension. Thanks Obama Toilet Paper!
Before I discovered Obama Toilet Paper, frankly I used to consider post bowel movement cleansing to be little more than a thankless, onerous chore - one which arguably offered no real tangible benefits whatsoever. I can't tell you how many times I seriously contemplated totally abandoning the use of Toilet Paper all together. Yet now that I have Obama TP in my house, angrily wiping my stink-hole is fun again!
This is a sensational product. Not only is my evil brown octopus now sparkling clean - but so is my whole home! I have realized Obama TP also works great to clean up baby puke, cat urine, and dead spiders.
This Barack TP is so much fun to use I intentionally eat 3 meals a day at Taco Bell just so I can use an absolutely absurd amount of it! Sure, I am chafed to the bone - but god dam it feels good!